Sad.
That’s what this all is. It’s really sad. I have 3 midterms in the next 24 or so hours, and I am completely incapable of focusing.
Why? Good question. Long story short: Dumped.
Person: “Matt why were you dumped?”
Matt: “Great question.”
I’m not typing this in order to tell the story of my previous relationship. I’m typing this in order to downplay all of the “motivational” crap that people tell you at the end of the relationship.
“Matt, bro, it’s her loss.”
“Don’t worry, it gets better.”
“Go out! Be single! Have fun!”
“She’ll realize her mistake and come back to you.”
Hey, guys. That’s all really nice stuff you’re saying. It’s also a load of bologne. Sometimes it doesn’t get better. Sometimes it sucks for a really long time. Sometimes you realize you will never be as happy as you were when you were with that person. Sometimes hearts break and nothing fixes them.
Sometimes.
Not all the time. Not in my case.
I’m not getting better. I’m mad. Bitter. Sad. Depressed. Angry. Frustrated. In pain. All of those things. And I bet a lot of other people are too.
So when you know someone has just been dumped, don’t treat them different. Don’t pity them. Don’t worry about them. Just be their gosh darn friend. A good friend of mine said I have a lot “good circle of bros.” I do. They’re the best. But that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to be upset for a while.
Do what you have to do to move on. Sometimes that means waiting. I know I’m waiting. I’ll be waiting for a while. I’m stuck on this one person, and that’s A-OK with me. So stop trying to convince me to go out and have fun.
Fun to be is the .00001% chance that the person I’m in love with shows up on my doorstep proclaiming their love for me. As long as there’s that chance, then I’m doing it. I don’t care if you say that’s stupid and weak of me. I don’t care damn it.
Because, with my luck, the one time I decide to go out, she decides to come over. I’m not missing that chance.
The only time I’m “going out” is when I graduate. That is when I will pack up my bags, leave, and begin my new life. But until then, I KNOW that if that person shows up and commits to me, I’ll be with them.
Yeah, we’ll talk about it. We won’t just jump into things, but we will still commit.
So stop asking if I’m okay. Stop asking if I need anything. Stop asking if I’ve talked to that person. Stop asking me if I’m going to ever talk to them.
Treat me like you have since we’ve known each other, and then I’ll be okay.
Happy freaking Valentine’s Day.
(p.s. song is relevant)
