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Sad. That’s what this all is. It’s really sad. I...

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 01:39:00 -0500

Sad.

That’s what this all is. It’s really sad. I have 3 midterms in the next 24 or so hours, and I am completely incapable of focusing.

Why? Good question. Long story short: Dumped.

Person: “Matt why were you dumped?”

Matt: “Great question.”

I’m not typing this in order to tell the story of my previous relationship. I’m typing this in order to downplay all of the “motivational” crap that people tell you at the end of the relationship.

“Matt, bro, it’s her loss.”

“Don’t worry, it gets better.”

“Go out! Be single! Have fun!”

“She’ll realize her mistake and come back to you.”

Hey, guys. That’s all really nice stuff you’re saying. It’s also a load of bologne. Sometimes it doesn’t get better. Sometimes it sucks for a really long time. Sometimes you realize you will never be as happy as you were when you were with that person. Sometimes hearts break and nothing fixes them.

Sometimes.

Not all the time. Not in my case.

I’m not getting better. I’m mad. Bitter. Sad. Depressed. Angry. Frustrated. In pain. All of those things. And I bet a lot of other people are too.

So when you know someone has just been dumped, don’t treat them different. Don’t pity them. Don’t worry about them. Just be their gosh darn friend. A good friend of mine said I have a lot “good circle of bros.” I do. They’re the best. But that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to be upset for a while.

Do what you have to do to move on. Sometimes that means waiting. I know I’m waiting. I’ll be waiting for a while. I’m stuck on this one person, and that’s A-OK with me. So stop trying to convince me to go out and have fun.

Fun to be is the .00001% chance that the person I’m in love with shows up on my doorstep proclaiming their love for me. As long as there’s that chance, then I’m doing it. I don’t care if you say that’s stupid and weak of me. I don’t care damn it.

Because, with my luck, the one time I decide to go out, she decides to come over. I’m not missing that chance.

The only time I’m “going out” is when I graduate. That is when I will pack up my bags, leave, and begin my new life. But until then, I KNOW that if that person shows up and commits to me, I’ll be with them.

Yeah, we’ll talk about it. We won’t just jump into things, but we will still commit.

So stop asking if I’m okay. Stop asking if I need anything. Stop asking if I’ve talked to that person. Stop asking me if I’m going to ever talk to them.

Treat me like you have since we’ve known each other, and then I’ll be okay.

Happy freaking Valentine’s Day.

(p.s. song is relevant)

A year from now I will be a UCSB graduate. Hopefully. Now, why...

Tue, 12 Jul 2011 00:22:00 -0400

A year from now I will be a UCSB graduate.

Hopefully.

Now, why “Hopefully” you may ask? Because the UC system sucks. I am paying tens of thousands of dollars for a piece of paper. This cost increases more and more every year. On the contrary, what I am being offered decreases every single day. One more class is cut. One more section is closed.

The UC system MUST BE FIXED. We get rejected from colleges because our GPAs are .000001 lower than the next guy. Or we get accepted because our skin is brown. Then someone else gets rejected for the same exact reason.

I’m going to outline my experience with the UC System.

Year 1

Racism. Sexism. Stereotypes. Scholarships. Biases. Prejudice. Backgrounds. Family. Numbers. These seem to be the traits behind the overall admissions in the UC system. It’s bullshit. LOOK AT THE DAMN PERSON. Look at the overall body of work. Regardless of color, sex, background, name. I’m all for everyone having an equal chance. But it is not the admissions’ place to use their own biases to meet a certain quota.

I’m going to give you 2 individuals.

Individual 1: 4.5+ GPA. 1900+ SAT. 28+ ACT’s. 5+ AP Tests passed (with a “3” or higher). College credits as a Junior AND Senior in High School. Salutatorian. Loads of extracurricular activities (including sports and community service).

Individual 2: 3.0ish GPA. 1500+ SAT. 23+ ACT’s. 3 AP Tests passed. No college credits. No extra curricular activities.

WHO DO YOU THINK GOT ACCEPTED INTO UCLA?

If you chose individual #1 you would be way wrong. Now let me tell you the difference between #1 and #2. Individual #1 is white. Individual #2? Not white. Okay let’s hear the “MATT YOU’RE SO RACIST OMFG” rants. How am I any more racist than the admissions board that discriminated against individual #1 because he’s white? I’m a minority. If I find out UCSB only accepted me because of this, I’d drop out in a heartbeat and give my spot to someone more deserving.

That’s my admissions shpeel. Take it for what it is.

Year 2 & 3

Okay so I just finished year 3, so I’m going to reflect on those. They were great. I got a great paying job and I loved it these last 2 years. Without Trop (where I work), I wouldn’t be able to afford to go to college. I appreciate what Trop has done for me, and I always will.

I met some great people and made some great memories. I also met my blessing from above: Jennifer Meghan Heintz. You have already read about her in another post. You’ll read more about her later on as well. I can’t say enough about her importance.

But let’s continue. Year 2 and 3 saw me change my major. I changed from Business Economics to Computational Science with an Emphasis in Economics. Great change in my opinion. However, whether or not I got into my major depended on ONE GOSH DANG TEST. If I got an A on this final (vector calculus), I was in. If I didn’t, I would be basically forced to transfer back home to San Diego. Due to my support system (AKA Jenny and the Trop Study Lounge), I nailed the test and got into my major.

But the fact that it all depended on once test is absolutely ridiculous. What if I didn’t get that A? Then that would’ve been $75,000 of hard-earned money down the damn drain. Thank the heavens above, I got that A. That was year 2-3 in a heartbeat. You may read about it more on some later date.

Year 4

So year 4 technically has started. Summer is crazy as hell. We’ll grade this one as an incomplete. I look forward to learning more in the Computer Science field. All towards that damn piece of paper Chancellor Yang (UCSB faculty) will hand me at some date in June of 2012. It’s going to be a hell of a year.

Explanation of picture: One of my best friends (Rickey) and I during our freshmen year at UCSB. Kit Kats, X-Box 360, and Judy freakin’ Codina on the phone all the time (Rickey’s Girlfriend thing)

Thanks for reading. See y’all manana.

Simpler Times

Mon, 11 Jul 2011 02:52:00 -0400

Okay. So I kinda figured out what this Tumblr is gonna be. It’s kinda gonna be my thoughts posted every day or every other day. It’s probably going to just be random crap. So be prepared all of my…8 followers.

Anyway. Don’t you miss “these days” like the ones in my pictured. It’s obviously me. Way long ago. Back when times were more simple. Back when the only thing you had to worry about was “WHAT THE FUCK DID MY MOM PACK ME FOR LUNCH. FUCK YEAH OREOS.” Or whether or not you were gonna shit your pants at Discovery Zone while waiting in line to go down the rolly-pin slide. (Personal anecdote, obviously.)

I would say I miss them and wish I could go back, but what’s the point in that. Yeah I miss being a kid. But it’s nice being older. Becoming established. Being in love. Memories are exactly what they are described as: things that we will never forget. I love being nostalgic, but I also love looking forward.

I learned to cherish the good times back then, but also keep in perspective what’s coming forward.

It’s been a long ass week, but I think this whole “blogging” thing is actually helping. It’s nice to get your thoughts down on paper.

Thanks for reading, faithful listeners! (all 2 of you)

P.S. That final line makes no sense.

So my first blog post will be read by probably one person. That...

Sat, 09 Jul 2011 21:43:00 -0400

So my first blog post will be read by probably one person. That will more than likely be Jennifer Meghan Heintz. Therefore this post is dedicated to her. As of today, we have been together for five months and one day. I know a lot of people say “Oh that’s not that long. How can you know that she’s the one for you.”

To those people: Screw off.

There is no time limit on love. There are no bounds. There is only 2 people sharing an ancient, amazing, inspiring feeling.

This song is the epitome of love to me. It is “The Adventure” by Angels and Airwaves. “Two lives waiting to begin” says that there are two people who are preparing to move forward as one unit. I know I’m a dude. But that shit to me is a beautiful thing. I am honored to share that bond with such a beautiful, loving, magical woman.

I love you Jenny.

Thanks for reading my first post.